It’s April Fools Day, that time of year when lawmakers can’t resist the urge to try jokes that are funny — but not too funny — and almost always fail. Here’s a lineup of this year’s attempts that caught our eye:
Winners, for whom the bar is admittedly low:
- Sen. Jon Tester (D-Mont.) claimed to have grown back his long-lost fingers. For those unfamiliar with the bit, the senator only has seven fingers due to a farming accident … usually.
- Sen. John Fetterman (D-Pa.) revealed the (humorous) truth about his alleged body double.
- Sen. John Cornyn (R-Texas) talked about brisket. A lot. This isn’t technically April Fools content but it gave us a chuckle nonetheless.
We won’t be so uncharitable as to name losers, but the… non-winners of the day so far:
- Sen. Peter Welch (D-Vt.) asserted Canadian maple syrup is better than Vermont maple syrup. We’d never trust Welch to turn his back on Vermont.
- Rep. Seth Moulton (D-Mass.) did his own mean tweets session — a play on the late-night “Jimmy Kimmel Live” bit where celebrities read mean tweets about themselves on camera. Moulton’s rendition included a laugh track in the background and a lot of talk about trains.
- Not a politician, but the D.C. metro system ran a fake ad for a perfume based on the Capitol South metro stop. We do not know what this would smell like — and we do not want to.
- He’s not a member of Congress, but former President Donald Trump’s campaign sent an email that said he was suspending his 2024 bid, followed by a “JUST KIDDING” and a “HAPPY APRIL FOOLS DAY!” That is the sort of April Fools joke that journalist nightmares are made of.
We can’t forget the anti-April Fools genre of congressional rhetoric that pops up once a year:
- Rep. Marjorie Taylor Greene (R-Ga.), who’s filed a motion to vacate against Speaker Mike Johnson, posted on X that if Johnson “gives another $60 billion to the defense of Ukraine’s border… the cruel joke would be on the American people. And it won’t be April Fools.”
- Rep. Thomas Massie (R-Ky.) echoed the sentiment in a post on X lamenting continued attempts to pass Ukraine aid in the House. “Unfortunately, this is not April [Fools],” he wrote.
